Yes, it will be seen if you take the time to plaster political bumper stickers on your car. When you do this, you risk people associating your poor driving with your deeply held values. If you virtue signal be sure to use your turn signal.
Anyway, I saw the old “All it takes for evil men to rule is for good men to be apathetic: Vote!” Or something close to it. I know ‘apathy’ was in the tagline.
So, you know…I’m being accused by the stickers again.
BUICK: Your criticism of the two party system is dangerous to us all! You dirty, non-voting Prius!
G.A.: Whoa, now, Buick. I’ve voted in every presidential election since ought-four when my battery gunnery sergeant instructed me on how to vote according to my duty as a United States Marine!
[The light changes to green. The Buick and Nester (G.A.’s hoopty Prius) continue across the intersection together.]
BUICK: Don’t deny it! You are planning to sit out the next election! How could you let evil prevail?
G.A.: [Reaching for a cigarette] I mean…hell…I didn’t say I wouldn’t vote. There may be a third-party candidate to whom I’m willing to throw my vote away.
BUICK: Third Party!! Candidate!! Vote!! [The Buick’s tailpipe belches smoke and cackling laughter]
G.A.: [Takes a drag and sighs while exhaling.] You got me there, Buick.
I imagined the car mocking me so hard it veered off the road into a gas station and exploded as if Rambo had unloaded a belt of 7.62mm rounds into it. But, reality rejoined me and we cruised together at 32 mph. So I guessed, because my speedometer doesn’t work.
Alas, poor third party candidates. I almost voted for Gary Johnson once, not just because of the old John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt impulse. He said things I could get behind. Then, I was infuriated by his failure to know what or where Aleppo was. I was guilty of geopolitical ignorance by name association. Remember when we used to be outraged by the war crimes committed in Syria? I suppose Syria is some lovely oasis of harmony now…like Ukraine…and all the other countries we protested for and brought peace to.
Gary cocked it up. There is a serious curse that comes along with our name. You may achieve notoriety for reasons that make your mother regret signing off on your birth certificate. For the name, at least.
But I am waiting for that viable third-party candidate to arrive, the same way Linus camped out for the arrival of The Great Pumpkin. I, too, have been ridiculed by dogs and women regarding my holding vigil for this apparition.
G.A.: Damn it, Nester! Maybe I’m the candidate I’ve been waiting for!
NESTER: Right!
He is a very polite Prius. Like myself, a heavily dented and misunderstood cast off. He didn’t need to list the reasons why I’d never survive the presidency should I hold that office.
So Nester and I coasted along slowly drawing the dirty looks of folks who still see hybrids as a political statement—yes, you, Ford truck with a Cowboy’s license plate holder.
I try to avoid having my possessions make a political statement. I plastered two bumper stickers on opposite sides of Nester’s ass in an attempt at symmetry and distraction. They are the same sticker, advertising a place I’ve never visited. The Mystery Spot in California. Completely apolitical! Maybe. The Mystery Spot: Home of the original “perception is everything” marketing campaign. And I don’t feel I misrepresent them. I’m generally disoriented.
FORD TRUCK: [Following Nester too closely] That toothless…long-haired…Prius driving…hippie needs to go back to California!
G.A.: Go back to Texas, Ford! I’m a native Coloradan! And I’ve done every bit of “red blooded” American shit you’ll ever do! [He takes an angry drag of his cigarette looking in the rear view] Besides, they hate me in California too. [He looks forward and pats Nester’s nonfunctional dash] And don’t worry, Buick. I’ll vote by golly. But I’ll be damned if it’s for one of the big two.
Red light.
This blog was brought to you by the G.A. Johnson “It Could Happen” 2036 presidential campaign. To learn more about his world perspective visit 👉 https://linktr.ee/gajohnson
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